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9分雅思大作文深度讲解——独居的利弊

 9分雅思大作文深度讲解——独居的利弊

 
在最近的雅思写作考试中,与社会生活相关的抽象类话题更是已经晋升为仅次于教育类的热门考点,也是复习准备的难点。今天小编为大家分享一篇逐句解析一篇前雅思考官simon自写的9分范文的精读,内容是关于独居好处和坏处的讨论,清晰展现构思过程及每个评分标准的拿分点。
 
In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
构思过程:
独居,也就是一个人生活,显然有利有弊,如果选择一边倒观点显然都站不住脚,很难论证,需要分开讨论平均用力。主体段一段写好处,一段写坏处。抽象类话题往往在寻找观点上比较困难或者没有方向,建议大家按照文波雅思教授的方法分类提取观点。本篇考官分别从个人和经济的角度出发,层次分明论证清晰,值得大家学习。
Introduction
1)背景导入,说尤其在发达国家的大城市,最近几年独居变得更为常见。
In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone,particularly in large cities in the developed world.
(句型结构:It + adj. + for sb. to do sth. + 后置状语补充,注意完成时has become;注意particularly的用法,举特例方便直接,类似especially但语气更强; in the developed world比in developed countries更地道;far more修饰normal代入感强)
2)观点句,我认为这个趋势的影响好坏各半。
In my opinion, this trend could have both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.
(句型结构:简单句+后置状语;虚拟语气could have;consequences高分词;in equal measure高分搭配)
Main Paragraphs 1
1)段首概括,一个人住在个人和宏观经济上都有好处。
The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons.
(句型结构:被动+后置状语并列;主语the rise in one-person households替换more people choose to live alone,地道高分搭配准确;seen as语法得分点;personal & broader economic词汇得分点)
2)分论点1:个人层面上,独居的人可能变得比和家人一起住的人更独立自强(常见观点)
On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.
(句型结构:前置状语+主语who从句+谓语比较级+宾语who从句,高分复合句;self-reliant高分词,展示词汇量)
3)举例论证+线性推理展开:独居年轻人需要学做饭,做家务,付账单,管账等重要的生活技能;这样的人增加了就是种正面的发展
A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills; an increase in the number of such individuals can certainly be seen as a positive development.
(句型结构:主语从句+插入语+不定式并列+宾语all of which从句;简单分句+被动;valuable得分词;an increase语法得分点;such individuals指代准确,语法和词汇得分点)
4)分论点2:经济角度上看,独居的趋势会导致住房需求增加(加分观点)
From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result ingreater demand for housing.
(句型结构:前置状语+后置定语+简单句;trend towards living搭配准确,词汇和语法得分点;result in学术搭配,词汇得分点;demand for housing词汇得分点)
5) 举例说明展开:这样会让建筑公司,房产中介和其它依赖业主购买产品的公司获益。
This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.
(句型结构:简单句+宾语并列+宾语that从句;likely to benefit学术搭配,词汇得分点;construction industry & estate agents展示词汇量;rely on homeowners词汇得分点)
Main Paragraph 2
1)段首概括:上述个人和经济的论点可以反向考虑;(简介易懂,挂钩前文暗含对比,CC满分技巧)
However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle.
(句型结构:转折+简单句被动;given above非谓语修饰,语法得分点;be considered from学术搭配,词汇语法得分点;the opposite angle词汇得分点)
2)分论点1:和独立的好处相比,独居的人会感觉孤独、隔离和不安(常见观点)
Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry.
(句型结构:前置状语+主语从句+宾语并列;rather than无痕迹对比,语法和CC得分点;loneliness & isolation高分词)
3)举例对比+论证展开:他们错过了家人或室友提供的对话和支持,还要承担过重的家庭账单和职责;这样来说,这个趋势就是负面的
 
They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one.
(句型结构:简单句并列+宾语从句+简单分句;miss out on地道搭配;emotional support, daily conversation & flatmates词汇加分点;bear the weight of高分搭配,词汇得分点;a negative one指代准确避免重复,语法得分点)
4)分论点2:从经济角度来说,住房需求增加会推高房价和租金(加分观点)
Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents.
(句式结构:前置状语+简单句;the financial point of view替换an economic perspective;likely to push up学术搭配;property prices & rents词汇得分点)
5)对比论证+说明展开:虽然让企业获益,但大众包括独居的人都要面临更高的居住成本
While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.
(句式结构:让步句+插入语补充+被动;be faced with地道搭配;rising living costs词汇得分点)
Conclusion
1)一句话总结:独居增加对个人和经济影响有好有坏
In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.
(句式结构:总结+简单句+宾补;detrimental不利的,高分词,beneficial & detrimental替换positive & negative;两个on介词短语并列,语法得分点)
评分
TR: 两面观点完整回答问题,分论点详实有深度,首尾段观点总结到位,9分
CC: 全篇结构清晰,整齐,行文连接通顺,易于理解,没有明显模板痕迹,9分
LR: 词汇非常多样,同义替换到位,搭配地道准确,9分
GA: 句型多变,复合句实用灵活,没有语法错误,9分
(13 sentences, 306 words, band 9)
经典的4段13句模板,大家可以模仿哦,注意,这里所谓的模板,是指他所熟悉和擅长的一种行文结构,而并非具体的模板句型。祝早日与雅思分手。
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